When I can no longer say " I know"

Blessed New Year 2009!

It's been an interesting, challenging...well, memorable year( good and bad memories) for the 2008 and I give thanks to my God that He has never took away that second chance. When I felt that I could no longer return to serve Him because of the things that I've done, I just wanted to run away. Today, I'm just glad that even before I could pack my bags and run away to somewhere to hide, He came by to my heart, knocked on my door gently several times, before I allowed Him to show me His heart and His forgiveness.

I always have this image of God standing outside my house. He will knock once..knock twice..knock thrice..all with that gentle *thud*. No yelling, just calling my name." Viv, viv..will you open the door for me?" As I sat there and think, yes Lord, my door is already opened. Why don't u just come in? And He says," No Viv, your windows of escape are opened but not the door to your heart. It's alright, I'll stay here and wait for you." Just like a relentless salesman, God just sat there waiting for me, especially in my season when I was so reluctant to make peace with certain issues- there He is, gently awaiting to show me, teach me and guide me.

2008- a year of so many transitions, I lost count. It was a year where my trust in the soverignty of God was put to a test. It was a year where I saw things happening right before my eyes but I could not stop it from happening. It was a year when I affirmed my calling in God about my life. It was a year of reunion, not yet. It was a year when I saw through my inadequacies and insecurities in relationships. It was a year where I had to find my place in various communities, once more. It was a year when I knew I want to do so many things, not yet.
Above all, my 2008 is a year when I plunged, rose, stabilised, slipped occasionally and now flying on eagle's wings. The flying- so light yet so unstable, so fast yet so overwhelming. Jesus, won't u prepare my heart to be ready of what's to come?

Coming back home to Singapore has been poignant. I loved the company of my family, friends who were there for me when I had to bite hard and press on in my faith, embraced my new status as an employee and colleage to many, and the arms of my home church. However, as well prepared as I could, I suppose it was a huge struggle to truly embraced the many things I looked forward too. Some incidents have left me thinking- have I lost anything when I left for Australia? Please do not think that I am sounding pessimistic. Rather, take upon a perspective if you could reflect on the year if you have lost something dear because of yourself being away or the season you had been through. In all honesty, I really pray hard that I can return to the warm embrace of my family in Sydney. Just a different feeling- i love my family( don't get me wrong), however, the sense of mutual understanding seems to be in the transient loss. Friends around me have moved on..mates whom I was close to have moved on in lives with new company. Classifying overseas graduates in a certain mould- was probably something I could never really understand. Yet all in all, I still had that sense of overflowing joy that I can't contain and does not allow that mellow-drama thingin me to take over. I know then that MY GOd is with me, holds me, leads me, and sets me free from the tunnel of darkness.

That's when I realised, I can no longer say "I Know I can". I will say,"God, YOu know best. I'll do my best and I know you will come and work through me to settle the rest."

2009- Seems like a daunting year ahead. But when I look at God, daunting it is not. As I live in Him, He will live in me.That's the abundant life that He's always promised:)

Thank GOd for the safe arrival of the new addition:)

He came onto this earth to be part of my family..and I thank God for Him. FOr His life speaks of a union that's been blessed by God for fruitfulness and fame for His name.
This little boy's name is Nathan:)- terence and Christine's baby:P isn't he a cutie!!

2 months. Tomorrow shall mark the 2nd month anniversary of my new chapter in the "real" world- as a physiotherapist in the hospital:)

I have been really blessed with good colleagues, friendly patients ( though I really had a couple of nasty ones), and a fairly comfortable environment for learning and honing my skills. I do think that I still lack in many areas of observation and understanding- I want to do better. The preparation in Australia, physically emotionally and well knowledge has given me a wider perspective on many issues. Not to mention here though cuz there are too many to name but I'm really thankful for the times I had in Sydney- it was a tremendous learning curve that I experienced over there that made me get into the groove of working here.

Being a student and being a junior physiotherapist is really different. I get to watch behind the scenes action, know how the mx runs in a way that baffles me most of the time, understand how people associate and the communication lines and most importantly, u get a chance to be let into the minimal superficial layer of "discussions" about certain individuals.

It's interesting to watch people and how they behave in various situations. MAny a times, i believe I'm watched too:) Well, that's good and bad. I do hope that whatever it is, I hope to start discharging patients fairly soon:)ahahhaha..can't have them loitering around for too long!!

* PS: to be accurate, this saturday is the official date of 2nd month of starting work:P hehe..in fact, It's my birthday!! hoho*

Been thinking heaps and deep in my heart..i ve so many things running in my heart that I've been losing quite a bit of sleep there:( i hope to find them back..

Running mates-eileen and liting..thanks for ur good company:)

I'm goin to cambodia!!! yea yea yea~~

I wanna keep on jumping and singing for GOd:P

maybe..sometimes it's better to leave it alone.

I often see history repeating itself. My life experiences replayed on someone's else life- and more often than not, I hope that I had the chance to warn the person but circumstances deny me so. From another perspective, if I'd done so, then I would deprived the person of a chance to learn through life experiences.

The art of kite flying- to maintain the fine balance of possessive and freedom.

My Running Diary

August 2008
Nike Human Race- didn't sign up in time:/


September 2008
Nil

October 2008
?New Balance Real Run
GE Women's 10k Run

November 2008
Nil

December 2008
Standard Chartered Marathon-13.1miles

Counting Down!!
I need to get my fat buttocks moving:(
*huff huff*

When people around sounds the alarm

Having got back from Australia, everyone's interest are not only in the travelling and studying experiences but the romance I had encountered in Sydney. I am more than happy to share the first two ones but I haven't had the best deal of romance in Sydney so unless u are interested in boring stories,we can skip that.

As women approach the 2 at the front of their true age, as indicated on their NRIC, it is inevitable that you will start to give some( i emphasise some) thoughts to the possibility of settling down. There you will start dreaming of your weddding- wedding venue, the songs during ur march and solemnisation, the people u wish to involve in ur wedding, the wedding dress and the wedding band..heaps of thinks to fantasise about. Hm,did you realise that something very important in the entire process is missing？？
THat's right!!! IT'S　ＴＨＥ GROOM!! Many times when I discuss about my wedding plans, my friends will duly remind me that I am heading to far- I have not found the partner to commence the plans. Even if I do find one, it's not my wedding. It's our wedding. Now, that really set me thinking. I might not get what I want- my dream wedding..LOL~
Hm "some" might sound like an understatement now, isn't it?

After my year in Sydney,I had seen the efforts and concerns of my family(extended included) in the search of "THE ONE". Many offers to help me create opportunities：doctor,pastor,football player,accountant. Well, at my workplace, my seniors have been in the deliberate quest to hunt for potential doctors for me!!! *shakes head and can't help but laughed till my tears erupted*

My close buddies will know of the criteria list that I've set is undesirably critical and insane. They do not think that such a person exist. When I took a look at it, I reckoned there's one person who fulfils all. I'm looking for the perfect man. Hm. It seems like only God can fulfil all those little itsy stuff i want in a person.

Hm. question: Have I refined my list then? *nods* One who has the courage, and not arrogance, 1)to be honest in Love, 2)trusting in the Lord for my honesty and character,3)to battle the oppositions and persevere 3)to risk his vulnerability and trust in people

4) to handle the calling of fatherhood for 4 children..LOL
-provided that He obeys the first and greatest commandment-
That's where it will stop, at this point:P

Next episode- my wedding. synopsis.

MIddle Year Conference 2008- Resurrection.

I am glad to know that I've been risen with the Lord, that I may live a living day:)